annabella011

i came back from my trip 100 pounds. i have been back a month now from today and im scared to weigh myself. my boyfriend of almost 4 years moved out of the country today for a scholarship at a top acting school...so we basically just partied, drank, and ATE ATE ATE this entire month. i loved the way i looked and felt at 100 pounds. i was so tiny...and yes i WAS happier so to everyone who says that being thin doesnt make you happier, its crap.

tomorrow im weighing in. he left this morning and the party is over. im scared to weigh myself...i think im going to be like 110. oh i should also mention...i got so thin my period stopped and i still havent gotten it, even tho i have gained a lot...now i havent gotten it in almost 3 months....anyone know anything about that...if anyone even reads this anymore. ive been away for so long and out of touch with all of you and im really sorry. tomorrow i start the 28 day plan

i should also mention i am moving to L.A. in a couple weeks to go to college and pursue my acting career! so thats exciting...but ive got to lose weight to have a chance!

been away for a while.

because i am traveling to Europe, Africa, and the Middle East in a month i needed vaccinnes, but doctors said i couldnt get them until i weighed 110 for health reasons so i had to stuff my face and eat high sodium foods so i retained water, plus i went on a full stomach (of soup broth!) so i would weigh more and i wore heavy shoes and lots of jewelry so that i would weigh more....i weighed in at 111. i was away from LJ because looking at my friends and communities made me so discusted with myself even though eating all that food was what i needed to do :-(

of course im fasting now to make up for it and the weight should drop quickly down to 105 because a lot of my weight was water weight and my clothes i think. i didnt look at my body in the mirror for an entire week because i knew that i would cry.

so i got lots of emails and ppl AIMing me and i just wanted to let ppl know that thats why i was away, but now im back :-) and ill keep you all updated on my progress, im finally happy that i dont have to eat anymoreeeee and i can be tiny again. i leave for traveling in 3 weeks and i just want to get down to 102 because i feel like thats a "healthy" weight for me, b/c i dont want to get sick while traveling...and ill be working out a lot so im more physically fit before i go. so even if i really weigh 108 i can easily lose 2 pounds per week before i go and be down to 102.


good luck girls

*nothing tastes as good as thin feels*


the beauty of p e r f e c t i o n

food 0/2...i smoked and binged like crazy, i deserve negative points, but now i renewed my gym membership so i can start working out tomorrow!javascript:void(0);
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
challenge 2/2
post 2/2

18 / 6 / 133 out of 180

im off to hang out w/ my guy friend


*nothing tastes better than thin feels*

food 2/2
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

8/10

17 / 6 / 127 out of 170

today sucks. i was supposed to leave for cancun, but instead ive been home, all day, all by myself. i was really depressed and i didnt go to class today. the ONLY good thing i can say is that im at my lowest weight in years...im 101.5, which means that IF i got to go to Cancun, i would have met my goal. being depressed makes it easy not to eat :-/

if this was a better day i would be glad to be 101.5 POUNDS FINALLY below 102, but today sucks regardless. Im gonna go hang out with this guy tim. hes gross but he gives me free weed b/c he thinks im gorgeous and i wanna get stoned out ofmy mind. if you wanna criticise me dont bother to comment. i know its pathetic that im going to go hang out w/ a guy i dont like who totally wants to do me just so i can get really stoned because im depressed. whatever.

only 2 pounds to go until im below 100<3


...i want to disappear...

day 15
food 2/2
water 2/2
exercise 1/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

9/10

day 16
food 0/2...i killed my fast:-/ because im depressssssssssedd i cant go to CANCUN, i was supposed to leave in 2 days :-(
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

6/10

16/5/119 out of 160

yesterday i was 102.5 (day 16) pounds, but i d idnt weigh today.

im so sad i cant go to cancun, my passport is in washington D.C. b/c im getting all my visas for traveling this summer. i called the airline for Cancun and they said it was fine as long as i had a copy of my passport, my drivers licence and my birthcertificate. but they were wrong and i just found out yesterday b/c i guess the law changed last month. im so pissed. fuck this.

Food 2/2...fasting:-) until i leave!
Water 2/2
Exercise 0/2
Post 2/2
Challenge 2/2

8/10

14 / ? / 103 out of 140

im fasting until i leave...yesterday i weighed 105 and today i was 103.5 after 1 day of fasting. Getting down to 100 is going to be impossible so i guess ill be satisfied with 101.5 or lower. I am DREADING being in a bathingsuit!...i know to lots of you my weight sounds really low for someone who is 5'5, but im REALLY built to be tiny and so right now i look good in my clothes, but im all flabby in a bathingsuit, i even have a little celulite. eww im discusting:-/

oh shit. the night before i leave im going to a play w/ my mom and we always go to dinner before. luckily she is always dieting so we will get a salad somewhere, but i wanted to fast....so for that day (wed), i can get 2/2 if i fast all day and eat only 1/2 my salad at dinner, with dressing on the side of course....thats still probably at least 250 calories!!! ahhh this sucks.

food 0/2...i didnt eat at all after i got home from the 4 20 party but still 0/2.
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

6/10

i weighed in and im 105 again!!! i look grossss :-/...i know ill lose a lot of it really fast b/c im fasting until i go, but i doubt i can get down to 100 in 4 days. ill probably just get back to 102:-/...i hope im AT LEAST below 102 before i go or ill feel so discusting in a bikini.

food 0/2...wow i deserve like negative points thanks to a 420 party i went to.
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

6/10

wow 420 killed me!!!!!! im too discusted to even name all the stuff i ate. i went to a 420 party and we smoked and ate all night long all the way through the morning so now ive already blown it for today as well. this really fucked me up and im fasting as of NOW until i go to make up for it!

anyone else up for fasting and needs support just AIM me: annabella011

i have adderall, so fasting will be a lot easier<3

NEW PLAN b/c of the 4 20 DISASTER:
Saturday (today): i ate all morning b/c i was still at 420 party, but im water fasting for the rest of the day.
Sunday: water fast
Monday: Fast + one meal (lean cuisine 220 cals), b/c i have family dinner that day.
Tuesday: Fruits, Veggies, and Water only (another family dinner, so ill just have a salad w/ no dressing)
Wednesday: Water with Lemon Juice Fast, to cleanse and detox
Thursday: leave early, i can eat hardly anything that day too b/c i can say i don't feel good from flying :-)

hopefully i can still meet my goal of 100lbs!!!

so far ive had 555 calories and ive already eaten dinner...its 7pm and im supposed to go out later, hopefully whatever im doing DOESNT INVOLVE FOOD!!!...if i hang out w/ the girls they wanna smoke b/c its 4:20, but then they will want to buy food to eat and i DONT WANT TO....my goal is if i hang out w/ them to go to Golden Spoon only, b/c a regular (pretty big!) is 200 calories. a mini is only 70 calories, which is what i usually get. I HAVE TO STAY BELOW 800 everyday until i leave. i would try to eat under 500, but im worried i will binge like crazy when i get to cancun and eat everything. heres my plan until i go: (the number is the MAX number of cals i can have, ill try to have a little less)

Friday (today): 800
Saturday: 800
Sunday: 800
Monday:FAST (juice)
Tuesday:800
Wednesday: FAST (juice)
Thursday: leave EARLY in the morning.

any tips for how to hide the fact that im not eating very much when im w/ my boyfriends family??? or excuses i can use not to eat or to eat less??? im so scared of gaining weight when i am with them. mexican food is SO FATTY! my goal is going to be to have only fruit for breakfast and say that i dont eat much in the mornings. or if i have to i can have eggs, which would be okay except i know they probably put lots of oil or butter in it!!! breakfast is my easy meal, then it gets WAY harder b/c they eat like crazy. they do eat at a different time than me, so that can be one excuse that im not used to eating at that time...but ahhhh im scared...any advice would be SOOO APRECIATED!!!!<3

also, any advice on how to tone up fast?

Day 11

food 0/2
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

6/10 today sucks, my boyfriend came over and i ate like 1500 cals wow thats a huge binge for me, im discusted w/ myself. he totally made me eat, at first i refused and he said that i was getting too skinny and he liked it when i weighed like 5 pounds more and had a little bit more curves.

whatever. today sucks. by the way i might have cancer, i had it 2 years ago and i have to go to a specialist b/c it looks like its back and it spread. wonderful.

fuck this.

11/5.5/83 out of 110

im finally down to 102, my lowest weight in years and my new goal for cancun is to weigh 100. i have already eaten 650 calories today :-/, but today im letting myself go up to 1000 b/c i was feeling really weak and shakey and nauseous.

also for yesterday i get 1/2 for food because i went over by 50 calories.
if any of you girls need support or tips or just someone to talk to just give me your AIM screen name and ill add you to my list :-), (janna, if yours is working just add me: annabella011) im always on at night and some during the day. im just going to re-post a little info about myself b/c i love meeting ppl w/ similar stats, goals and experiences.

age: 19
type of ED: anorexia, self diagnosed, and unofficially diagnosed by a SHRINK
duration of ED: 3 years
HW: 122...eww
LW: 98 (5 yrs ago, i had just hit puberty)
CW: 102
GW: 100
UGW: 98
other "disorders" past and present (b/c i know lots of you girlss and guys have these as well): depression, anxiety, cutting

i always love meeting new friends so feel free to add (unless you are a "wannanorexic" looking for advice on how to GET an ED) even if you dont have an ED and are looking to lose weight healthfully, feel free to add, but dont judge or criticise! or just AIM me and tell me about yourself: ANNABELLA011

*nothing tastes as good as thin feels*

food 2/2
water 2/2
exerice 0/2...i suck
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

8/10

10/4/78 out of 100

i did pretty good considering i went out to a restraunt. i had a piece of bread so i only ate 1/2 my salad and took the rest to go. alltogether, i barely stayed under my 2/2 limit so im juice fasting tomorrow.

im highhhhhhhh waaaa wa we wahh

yay i fit into my size 00 jeans...thats so motivating :-) they fit perfectly and are tight so im wearing them all day b/c my boyfriend is taking me to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and they will remind me to eat as little as possible. i think im going to get the chinese chicken salad w/ the dressing on the side (so i can use as little as possible) and no fried noodles in it. and ill try to only eat 1/2 the chicken and then say that im full and just eat all the lettuce. thats probably still like 300 calories AT LEAST. all i have had today is a 1/2 a grapefruit (75 cals) so im going to stay w/ that!

yessss im finally down to 102.5 again. wow it took me like 2 weeks to get back on track! on an empty stomach my body looks okay, except I HATE MY INNER THIGHS!!! does anyone know good exercises to tone this part?

right now my ultimate goal is to weigh 100 by the time i leave in a week, but i guess as long as im like 101 im okay and then ill try SO HARD not to gain while im there!...my boyfriends relatives own a restraunt in cancun and we eat all of our meals there and we all eat together so its going to be SOOO HARD!!! the only advantage i have is that htey know i dont eat red meat so that eliminates some of the food. what are the healthiest things to eat (least amount of calories) for mexican food????

i dont know about all of you girls, but smoking pot helps me NOT to binge. i know that sounds crazy b/c the munchies suck, but lately i have smoked to prevent late night binging. i NEVER smoke during the day but if i absolutely feel like im going to binge i smoke on my balcony and watch a dvd on my laptop (my friend does this w/ me most of the time, but sometimes i even do it alone). i know it sounds pathetic but when i smoke i dont want to walk downstairs to get food EVER

so i was just wondering if MJ does this for you as welll, or if any of u are smokers i suggest this strategy instead!
tonight is a night that i need it...

ALSO i have SCREEN NAME for AIM so ill just sign on if anyone just wants to talk or wants support!....i'm 19, i have anorexia and a variety of psychiatric issues (depression, anxiety, cutting, etc.) so if anyone needs to talk or whatever (i know ana life can be hard) then AIM me: ANNABELLA011

<3 stay strong girlssss

food 2/2
water 2/2
exercise 1/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

9/10

9/4/71 out of 90=78.8%

yay i didnt eat any more i forced myself to stop (thanks for emailing EMI!<3)
tomorrow is my hardest day not to eat b/c i have NO CLASS or work or anything so i think im going to workout and organize my room to keep busy. im hanging out w/ my boyfriend that night and luckily he doesnt give me a hard time about eating (usually)...i know a lot of you girls get shit from your family and friends...and i get that too, but im lucky that my boyfriend doesnt bother me and my mom RARELY does b/c she has the same issues and thinks i look great when im SUPER THIN, but worries about my health at the same time. i have family visiting and they wont leave me alone about my weight and neither will my boyfriends family. they told me they are on a mission to make me gain weight in CANCUN, whatever that just makes me more determined not to eat--to prove them wrong and prove how strong my will power is to myself.

tomorrow im weighing in, i just hope i havent gained since my eating fiasco yesterday. 650 cals today is OKAY, but i usually try to stay under 500, but 800 is my limit for 2/2, 1000 for 1/2. so if im 103.5 still ill be happy and try to eat REALLY GOOD TOMORROW!!!

goals: 101.5 by the 26th (when i leave)...thats day 18 of 28 day plan
for cancun, my goal is just to MAINTAIN and not gain any weight!
by the end of the 28 day plan my goal is to be 99 POUNDS...but i know that CANCUN might hurt me so ill be happy with staying under 102 for this cycle and then working down to 99!!!


NINETY-NINE<3

ahhh im already at 650 cals! i didnt want to go above 500 (but im allowed to go up to 800). its 8 at night and im not tired and my mom made ALL MY FAVORITE FOOOODDD for dinner AND BROWNIES so im on here to try to distract myself.

i would have eaten better except i got sick and threw up (but it was only water b/c thats all i had had) and i was all shakey so i had a lean cuisine (240 cals....so much for lunch i kno!). then i didnt want to eat w/ my family but i had to eat something b/c i cant get away w/ not eating at family dinners. i had probably 300-400 cals, so of course im rounding up. but I REALLY DONT WANT TO EAT ANYMORE today after my terrible eating yesterday! any motivation would be SO APPRECIATED!!!


*think of cancun*think of being in a bikini and how discustingly fat i will look*that should be enough*

i couldnt sleep and went downstairs at like 3 in the morning (thats why im counting it for today) and TOTALLY BINGED....but im not eating anything else today, im busy so it will be easy. im so fucking exhausted i havent slept in 30 hours :-/ and i wont get to sleep until i get back from my night class at 10...so that will be about 40 hours without sleep

food 0/2
water 2/2
exercise 2/2...i havent used that free exercise card yet so i guess ill use it today since i have no time (not like ive been exercising anyway because I SUCK AT LIFE!)
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

8/10

8/4/62 out of 80=77.5% ......blahhhh

also want to thank all the "thinspire" girls for the lovely posts. they have really helped me lately (with the exception of this morning!!!!!)

uggg i have a gynocologist appointment ewwwwwwwww i have to leave now. shes really fat so that will motivate me not to eat...i guessss :-/ (trying to see the positive haha)

Food 2/2...I did SOOO good, we had a family BBQ and i didnt eat b/c i said i was going out to dinner w/ my boyfriend (we are back together), and then at my boyfriend's i didnt eat b/c i said i had a huge family BBQ
water 2/2
exercise 0/2....i suck, i didnt get to buy the pilates CD's but im going w/ my mom to get them tomorrow
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

8/10 7/4/54 out of 70=77% ...eh :-/

i weighed in today and IM BACK DOWN TO 103.5!! ive lost 4 pounds in 1 week (i probably really lost like 2-3 pounds of real weight though)

....i have to lose one more pound to be back on track, ill have no problem doing that before CANCUN!...i still need to lose AT LEAST 5 more pounds, but definately not more than 10 pounds. im promising myself ill stop at 99 pounds because otherwise ill be too unhealthy when im traveling this summer and im sure ill lose more weight then without even trying. i think im just going to take 20-30mg of adderall to curb my appetite until i leave for cancun, but i dont have very many pills left and i try to save them for days where i know ill be around food a lot so i want to have enough to bring some to cancun w/ me. the pills that i have are only 10mg so i have to take 2 of them to get a normal dosage :-/

my goal is to be 101 by the time i leave for CANCUN, but ill be okay with 102 or lower. my ultimate goal for cancun is to be 100.5 b/c thats the most i think i can lose, but i dont want to be disappointed if i dont get there. eww i will feel so gross in a bathingsuit but whatever i dont have a choice.

food 2/2
water 2/2
exercise 0/2
post 2/2
challenge 2/2

8/10

6/3.5/46 out of 60=76% :-/

tomorrow will be a 10/10 day forsureee im buying pilates CD's :-)
i ate lots of high sodium food today (soup broth and popcorn) but im going to weigh tomorrow morning anyway, but i dont expect to weigh under 104 yet...ehhh